Kick in the Pants Day

Today, we'd like to dedicate this blog to a piece of history, if you will. An act that has kept humanity in check at times & thrown it into chaos at others. But, we will admit, everyone needs one:

A good, ol'e swift kick in the pants!

And you're all getting one today. We'll start with ourselves so we don't feel left out:

Nama, pull yourself together, man! You're not getting anywhere with an attitude like that! It's not all about you, and the world would appreciate it if you cleaned/painted your toenails every once in a while. KICK

Murgs, simmer down now! Life isn't so rough & your dog/boyfriend love you! What more could you want? Are you the little engine that could or just wouldn't? Yeah, that's what I thought. KICK

And now, onto more much needed kicks to those most in need:

Freebirthers. How selfish, ignorant, and irresponsible can you be? I can understand foregoing medication and/or doing the midwife thing, but giving birth to your completely helpless and vulnerable child by yourself at home? Think about that baby! Modern medicine is a good thing and shouldn't be hated on. It's meant to save lives, not to lord over you because they think women aren't "'intellectually capable of making their own decisions when it comes to birth.'" Please. Yes, women have been giving birth for thousands and thousands of years, but you do realize that the infant mortality rate in the "Western-civilized" world has significantly dropped thanks to modern medicine, right? Giving birth is, in fact, a very dangerous biological act, despite what you have convinced yourself otherwise. Yes, our bodies are made to give birth, but, at the same time, a woman's body is literally brought to the brink of death when she gives birth. While a majority of the time, that miraculous event occurs without any crises, when something does go wrong, it has the awesome capability of going horribly wrong. Why the heck would you go through this process alone without trained doctors or midwives who will know what to do to keep you & that innocent and helpless life you're bringing into the world that's totally dependent on you alive and well? The birthing process isn't about you. It's about bringing a new life into the world safely that you have created. And we think it's idiotic and irresponsible to ignorantly fall into this apparent freebirthing "trend" based on fear of medical establishment and the unfounded ideas that the Western world "have for years been 'taking something that's natural and making it into a disease.'" Think about it & stop yourself from running with such extreme & fear-based statements before you make huge decisions that not only affect you, but the fragile life you are bringing into the world. KICK

Rosie. Just stop it. Stop raising heck, kicking up dirt, & finding ways to get offended. Get over yourself. We're sure over you. We don't care anymore. So just stop it. KICK

Bono. You self-important jackass. Technically, you're probably a positive force in the universe since you've introduced a lot of self-involved, lazy Americans to the idea of charity. But do you have to be so freaking smug about it? Plus, you're a total hypocrite! That's right, America, click the link if you don't believe me! KICK

Rupert Murdoch. Type "Rupert Murdoch is evil" into Google and you get about 465,000 results. When people talk about "the Man" they're referring to this guy and his terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad, far-right media empire. The guy is a force of nature and must be stopped - by a kick in the dern pants. KICK

Paris Hilton. For reasons too numerous to mention, we would like to kick you in the pants over and over and over again. KICK